Reflections

I'm slow - but Ryan and Izzy both participated in the Reflections contest this year. They chose to do photography and had fun with my camera. Then they had more fun using the basic editing features on the computer to modify their chosen picture. Here are the end results.
Ryan:
Isabelle:

Ashley - so big

Enjoy Ashley's first trick
Scott is really good at making Ashley laugh (me-not so much).

Christmas Eve Nativity

The nativity players this year on Christmas Eve.
Ryan was Joseph and didn't love the beard. Izzy was a shepherd and was pleased that her only line was "Who is that? I am afraid!"

Christmas Pj's

We always open up new pj's Christmas Eve. The kids love it and this year they loved posing for pictures as well!

An Ashley Story

Ashley will be sealed to us on Saturday and I have been wanting to document some of the whirlwind that was her birth. Here are a few of the powerful experiences (shortened) that went on during that time. (This was actually from a email I sent to our sealer - my mother's cousin - so he could have some background info about us.)

I wanted to write and tell you a few things about our experiences with Ashley before we see you on Saturday.

First of all, Ashley’s middle name is Denne (pronounced Dean) in honor of my deceased mother-in-law Byrdenne Johnson (who played the organ at the MTC for many, many years). Byrdenne told me several times while she was alive that I was not to name any of my daughters Byrdenne, so to honor both her wishes and her memory, we chose her middle name as a form of Byrdenne. It keeps Scott’s mother close in our hearts. We love it!

Second, getting Ashley to our family was a fairly difficult process, both on our end and on her birthmother’s end. There were many prayers offered, many tears shed, and much love given.

Throughout the process there were two very powerful spiritual experiences that I would like to share with you.

The first connects to my first daughter Isabelle Ila who was born 3 months after my Grandma Ila passed away. I had wanted to name my first daughter after Grandma well before she passed away and when Isabelle came along we had that opportunity. But before Isabelle’s birthmother relinquished her rights, she told us she didn’t want her named Ila and apparently it was one of those things that would “make or break” the deal. I was near the end of my rope emotionally and I was having a difficult time wanting to put forth anymore effort and commitment and honestly I missed my Grandma. After a time I knelt and prayed (mostly cried) and then I felt a great peace. The thought entered my mind that my Grandma knew how much I loved her and that my mom knew it as well. The additional thought came that I could raise my daughter to be like my beloved Grandma even if she didn’t carry her name. My heart was calmed and I was able to move forward. Since that time I have felt very close to Grandma and I think of her often.

When I found out about Ashley’s birthmother and found out about her circumstances (which were particularly difficult) my heart broke for her and I felt that she would need all the help and strength she could get. So I asked my family to pray for her and we put her name on several temple prayer rolls. As I prayed I asked the Lord to allow the angels to bear her up, to comfort her and give her strength and that if it was possible that He would allow my dear Grandmothers to be with her (regardless of her decision to keep her baby or place for adoption).

Throughout the next two months until Ashley was in her arms, I again felt very close to both Grandmothers and felt very strongly that what was going on here in my family mattered very much to them.

I feel like the creation of our family and the addition of each child has turned my heart to my “mothers” and their hearts to me.

My second powerful experience came two days before Ashley came home with us. It’s quite a long story so I will just sum up and jump to the end.
At the same time everything was happening with Ashley’s birthmother we found out that we were pregnant – for the first time ever! While I was amazed at the miracle I was very stressed about the possibility of losing Ashley as a result of it. I struggled with a great deal of anxiety and had a hard time being excited about either baby because I couldn’t imagine how everything would work out happily. Scott gave me a blessing which brought me peace and helped me to move forward but we didn’t tell the birthmother about our pregnancy.

After Ashley was born and (theoretically) the day before placement I was led to the conclusion that it was time to tell her and I thought my heart would break. I knew that everything would work out exactly how it was supposed to but I also knew that didn’t necessarily mean she would be ours and I was grieving already for the baby that I was sure I was going to lose by telling the birthmother about the pregnancy. I cried and I felt that I couldn’t possible handle what was happening. But again I felt that peace and I found myself saying, “You can do this…breathe… you can do this. Everything will be okay…you can do this.” Once I was calm I felt so loved and comforted and I knew that I wasn’t alone and that I could in fact, “do this”.
So the word was passed along to the birthmother and after two tearful phone calls between the two of us she realized that placing Ashley in our family was the right thing to do.

Ashley joined our family and one week later I found that I was miscarrying. I was amazed at the timing. Rather than mourning the loss of the pregnancy I rejoiced in the fact that I had been pregnant and that I could hopefully become pregnant again. I snuggled my little one close and thanked Heaven for a courageous birthmother. I saw once again the hand of the Lord in my life as I looked at the perfect timing of everything.
I feel so incredibly thankful for my beautiful family and for the hope that I have that we can add to it in the future.

My miraculous family has given me a glimpse into Heaven that I am so thankful for. They are so integrally tied to my knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father and Savior that I can’t help but thank them daily for the gift that they each are.

Here are just a couple of current pictures of that beautiful girl (Ashley I mean).

The doorbell just rang and this delight was waiting for me! Yes - in that crowd there is in fact a dinosaur, a princess and an elephant. I've never had such a treat!

Attempts at Christmas Sunday pictures

Here are several attempts to document my cuties on Christmas Sunday.

Court Day with Ashley

She is legally ours!! We went this morning to court in AF and my brother in law was our attorney. She was beautiful and happy and delighted everyone. She even smiled at Mark (who up until now she has chosen to cry when she sees him - not just him really, she is a bit afraid of most people)! Everything went smoothly. Ryan and Izzy were fantastic (albeit bored) and even paid attention. At one point the judge said, it was apparent that Ashley had a big brother and sister who welcomed her and loved her and I turned around to look at the kids and Ryan was smiling at the judge and giving her two thumbs up. We all laughed and the judge acknowledged him.
Then she finished up by telling us we were a perfect family...yes, she used those words. My brother Jon afterward said he was tempted to object but decided to keep his mouth closed (thank you). Anyway, it was pretty much a perfect morning for our perfect family.

10 Things You Might Learn About Me If You Were In My Head During The Tabernacle Choir Concert

10 - Just because I'm drowsy it doesn't mean I'm uninterested or bored - it means I'm sitting still.
9 - I love watching the bell choir - especially the biggest bells.
8 - I like to sit where I can see the percussion section of the orchestra - didn't happen tonight.
7 - I like sparkly things - the costumes of the dancers were beautiful!
6 - Although clogging is exciting and fun with lots of energy - I truly love watching a beautiful ballerina.
5 - A beautifully played acoustic guitar is probably one of my favorite things.
4 - No matter how grand of a time I'm having on a date with my sweetheart - I still worry about the kids at home.
3 - Richard Elliot is INCREDIBLE on the organ - if you read this before the morning broadcast - watch it!!
2 - I someday hope to sing with that amazing choir.
1 - I miss my dad in the Tabernacle Choir - concerts were way more fun when we could tell he was trying to find us in the crowd (of the Tabernacle) and the grin on his face when he did.

It was so fun to get tickets and go to the concert tonight! I won't lie though - I miss the days of the Tabernacle - Scott and I went to a concert there in the fall and I was reminded of how much the power of the choir reverberates through that building. I love it. Thanks Scott for a great night! (Thanks to my babysitters too!)

Another Birthmother Discussion

Ryan and I had a very tender discussion tonight that was prompted by our FHE activity. We were tying a quilt for Isabelle's birthmother who is expecting a baby in January (which prompted the previous birthmother discussion that I recorded in another post).
We see Isabelle's birthmother quite often and she is very much a beloved part of all of our lives. Tonight Ryan quesitioned again (he has asked this a couple of times over the years, but never has the answer prompted such feelings for him) when he will get to see his birthmother again.
Background info: when we got Ryan the policy at our agency was more closed. We didn't share identifying information and the plan was to write and send pictures the first year and then once a year after. At the time that felt very comfortable for us but when we started meeting with Isabelle's birthmother and had such positive experiences I have had a greater desire to have at least some contact with Ryan's birthmother. In my annual letters I have said that we are willing to do more than the annual letter but we haven't heard from her since he was sealed to us when he was 6 mo. old.
So, this is what happened tonight:
I told him that he would see her again someday but I didn't know when. Then I told him that just because we don't see her doesn't mean she doesn't love him just as much as Isabelle's birthmother loves her.
I talked about how difficult her decision was and how much she loved him and that in order for her to be able to heal and be happy and to believe that he would do the same was to say goodbye.
He began to cry and told me that he missed her. (Although I have anticipated a discussion like this since we began our adoption journey years ago, it still caught me off guard.)
I snuggled him in my arms and told him that she was so brave and that she did exactly what Heavenly Father wanted her to do and that she loves him so much. Then Scott and I both told him again that he is such a treasure to us and that we are so very blessed to be his parents.
We talked about the Holy Ghost and how he learned at his baptism that one of the things the Holy Ghost does is comfort us. He agreed to pray for the Holy Ghost to help him feel better then he went up to his room for a break. After a few minutes Scott went up to be with him where more tears were shed. Ryan has always had a very tender heart which I am very thankful for. He came back ready to tie the quilt and was mostly back to himself for the rest of the evening.
Later as he was snuggling in bed he said he was sorry for crying - which of course made my heart break a little more. I told him that there was no reason for him to be sorry, that it was okay for him to be sad, but to remember that he is exactly where he is supposed to be with exactly who he is supposed to be with. I told him I loved him and he snuggled up and said, "I love you mom."

Why do I think moments like this (while very tender and private) are important to be shared? Because I feel very strongly that my family is a miracle and that maybe because I'm willing to share my treasured feelings about it there may be another family who is blessed with a similar miracle. I also believe in to my very core that my children are mine and that they have a very special, miraculous birth story that needs to be told.
And just in case you are wondering, there is no sorrow for me that he feels this way, because I feel the same way. I love her, I'm thankful for her, I miss her too. She is such an example of faith, love and courage and I want Ryan to love her and be thankful for her.
So, as I write through my own tears, I say again, "I thank Heavenly Father for birthmothers and I pray every day that he will bless and strengthen them for the immense sacrifice that they made that brings joy to so many."

I found my toes!

Ashley has found something new to play with. She loves it when I change her diaper. Those toes go right in her mouth! Then of course if I pull out the camera she has to stop and stare. As the following video shows. She is so cute!

A few more pictures.

Fall Break

I love having my kids home from school! We stayed home and had a great time! Wednesday we played hookie from karate and played all afternoon. Thursday morning we headed up to the Children's Museum at the Gateway. I expected it to be busy but it wasn't and we had a marvelous time. We took my sis-in-law Kristen and her son Jack with us. Jack kept us entertained the whole time with his grown-up conversation. The rest of the day was played away until nighttime when we had a movie night. The kids got to see The Princess Bride (with some editing) for the first time. I tell you what, I had just as much fun watching it as they did. It was hilarious though, Ryan was acting just like the boy in the movie. When I told him the name of the movie he moaned and groaned, so I just quoted the Grandpa and he decided he'd check it out. He then made me laugh the next day when he was telling a neighbor friend about it he had to do the same explanation so that no one would think he was watching a girlie movie. So funny.
Friday Kristen took Ryan and Izzy's pictures (in lieu of school pictures) in the morning at the park (which they took advantage of). Then after a long nap by Ashley we went to Color Me Mine where the kids painted their own ceramics. They loved it! (It's more pricey than I like though.)
That night I got a date (hooray) to play volleyball which was great fun although I was super sore the next day.
Saturday we worked in the yard and played and played.
It's been a great weekend. I'm sad to see it end!

Ashley laughing

Help!

Let's say hypothetically that I have an ultra-bossy daughter whose friends lose interest in playing with her pretty quickly because she wants to tell them how to play. How would I rectify that hypothetical situation before she gets older and it's harder to make friends much less keep them?
Any ideas?
sidenote: the same character traits that make her bossy also help her to be very independent and sometimes incredibly helpful. So I guess what I'm hoping for is to help her create a strength rather than a weakness.

FHE S'mores

We had a couple of friends over for S'mores on Monday night as a final hurrah to summer. The evening was really nice and the kids thoroughly enjoyed each other. I can't believe it took us all summer to finally do this!




sidenote: I'm giggling when I look at the picture of me and Scott because anytime I take a picture of myself I manage to have a double chin. This time I overcorrected. Oh well, at least there is no double chin!
another sidenote: Notice how Izzy is grabbing Jonah's arm. Ryan told me today that she was chasing him and trying to kiss him. Appparently we are going to have to have another chat like the one we had before school started. She's way to young for kissing!!

Hooray!

Someone slept through the night last night and it wasn't me...

This beautiful girl slept from 8:30 to almost 7!!!!! Wahoo! (I should really be knocking on wood right now.)

Summer activities

We had such a busy summer (with baby of course) that I never put up pictures of some of the fun activities we did.
We went canoeing at Tipplefork in American Fork Canyon. The boys enjoyed the fun of the canoes while Izzy enjoyed the mud. (I missed the mud picture, but my sis got it, so maybe I'll post it after it's printed and scanned in - reality - I probably won't post it.)


We hiked up to Stewart Falls with my family. The kids did really really well although Izzy tried to convince Scott and I that she couldn't possibly keep walking several times. On the way back she walked ahead of us with some of her cousins and she didn't ask for help once. I was quite proud of her.
While at the falls we found a few creatures. Ryan found a snake and I found two ticks...on Ashley's blanket!!! Needless to say, when we got home I made everyone bathe, I put every article of clothing in the wash and I said a little prayer. (Ticks give me the creeps!)
Other than that it was a great time!

Izzy's Faith

Izzy and Ryan are having a movie night with some of their friends tonight. Izzy just went to get it set up and couldn't find the remote. She asked me to help her and after about 30 seconds she said, "Maybe we should pray." I was about to tell her to look a little harder but I stopped and we knelt to pray. She asked me to say the prayer. After the prayer we both stood up and started looking again. Then she said, "The last time I saw it was when I was playing with Emma and Gabby." Then she walked to that spot and said, "Here it is!"
She went to turn on the TV and I stopped her and reminded her that we needed to say a thank you prayer so we knelt again. This time she said it. Among other things she said, "Please bless God that he will be thankful that we found it."
I giggled inside and after the prayer gave her a kiss.
I love how my children remind me every day to do what I am trying to teach them to do.

More Ashley

These are progressive pictures from Karate this week. She is such a delight.


>


Isn't she just about perfect?
She is growing by leaps and bounds. She is talking lots and a little more loudly now. She has laughed a few times (to my and Ryan's delight - we were the recipients of that treasure!) and she continues to charm us.
Oh how lucky we all are!

Ashley and Brigham

I got to babysit my friend's little son, Brigham last week while she took Ryan and coached his soccer practice. Ashley is two weeks older than Brigham. Deanne and I were waiting for our babies (somewhat patiently) at the same time. Anyway, the babies were so good. They laid next to each other on the floor and talked and smiled. I realized they were laying too close to each other when Brig clocked Ashley with his flailing fists. I loved being able to snuggle both babies (at the same time was a little challenging). I've decided that I'm not sad that I don't have twins right now. I'm sure you adjust and are able to do it, but it would be really challenging to balance the two babes.

Pinewood Derby

The cubscout years have begun. Ryan was ecstatic to receive his first pinewood derby kit at scouts a few weeks ago. He and Scott had a lot of fun cutting and sanding (thanks to mom and her tools). He painted it how he wanted. Scott got lots of tips from neighbors who were pinewood derby masters in their cubscout days. End result: Ryan was delighted to be first place!! He thought it was a fantastic evening (of course). >Scott also brought home an old kit from the neighbors so Isabelle was able to make her own car. She loved designing and painting it (it was already cut) but wasn't as interested in racing.
It was a fun night for them which is good because we have more years to come!

Who knew I could be a Shopaholic?

I guess I just had to find the right venue (and the funds to go with it).
Ryan received a book store gift card for him birthday and we just barely used it this weekend. We spent about 40 minutes browsing through all sorts of books. I really had to contain myself to not try to make him choose ones that I wanted to read with him but he ended up choosing a couple I would have chosen anyway.
If I had a million dollars - I would have a big library like Beast in Beauty and the Beast - complete with ladders :).
I love bookstores...and libraries...and reading by myself...and reading with my children...My name is Sunny and I'm a bookstore shopaholic.

A True Bedtime Story

This is the story I told Isabelle tonight at bedtime.
Preface: Tonight we told the children that Isabelle's birthmother is expecting a little boy. They were excited but Isabelle asked, "Is she going to keep him?"

Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl named Shanda. One day Shanda found out that she was going to have a baby. She wanted very much to be a mother but you see, she wasn't married. Her baby wouldn't have a Daddy. Shanda loved her baby so much, she wanted to give her everything in the world. She wanted her to have a Daddy who would love her and who would be excited to see her every day when he came home from work. She wanted her to have a big brother who would play with her and protect her. She wanted her to have a mother who could stay home and be with her instead of needing to go to work.
So she prayed to Heavenly Father to know what was the very best thing for her to do for her daughter. Honestly, there was a part of her that wanted Heavenly Father's answer to be, "Shanda, this baby is supposed to be your daughter, you are supposed to raise her and be her mother." But Heavenly Father's answer was that she was supposed to find the family that her baby was to be a part of. And so she began to search for the right family while she continued to pray that she would be strong enough to do what was best for her baby.

Then one day she found a family. There was a Dad named Scott, a Mom named Sunny and a two year old brother named Ryan who had been praying for a very long time that Heavenly Father would help them find their little girl. Because they knew that there was a little girl waiting to be in their family.
Then came the day that the beautiful baby girl was born. Shanda held her in her arms in the hospital and loved her. She touched her face (I touched her face), stroked her beautiful brown hair (I stroked her beautiful brown hair), touched her eyebrows, (etc.) and memorized every bit of this beautiful girl because she didn't know when she would see her again. (At this point, you may imagine that my eyes were teary, but picture my sweet Isabelle with a quivering chin and rubbing her eyes to keep the tears away.)

Now the story begins a new chapter, the chapter where she comes to our home, our lives, our family and our hearts. Izzy has heard variations of this complete story many, many times in her little life. She loves to hear it. But tonight she needed to be reminded of something very important and this is how the story ended tonight...

(With Izzy in my arms) She loved you so much. She still loves you so much. I am so, so, so thankful that she had enough strength and enough courage to do what Heavenly Father told her she was supposed to do. I am so thankful that she found us. Because I love you more than you'll ever know and I'm so glad that you're my girl.

Shanda, we love you (more than you'll ever know) and we are so excited that your arms will be filled very soon with your own little treasure.